Christmas Hour by Hour

For some reason, on Christmas Day I decided to take a photo an hour - detailing my day. So, here it is - my visual diary of Christmas Day 2011.

0545: getting ready to do the dishes. *Sigh*

0645: at Kath & Muzz's, watching the chaos.

0745: breakfast time! Ham, pineapple & cheese croissants. Yummy!

0845: the Mac Juniors arrive - more present-y chaos.

0945: Santa on the fire truck - the annual fundraising run.

1045: gluten-free bread on to rise.

1145: knitting and watching Time Team I'd recorded earlier.

1245: bread done and cooling.

1345: time for a nana nap.

1445: time to roll over and nap some more.

1545: time for a quick read on the balcony, and a smoke, before getting ready.

1645: all packed and ready to go.

1745: just about present time.

1845: prepping dessert. Yum!

1945: watching the Christmas train.

2045: dessert over...

2145: time to head home.

2245: knitting with Molly on my knee, watching a doco on Star Wars I'd recorded earlier.

2345: feeding Molly, last act before bedtime.

Food fights

Following on from yesterday's post...
In order to keep fitting my wardrobe, I have to watch what I eat* and how much I eat¤. I don’t recommend my diet, seriously. I have food issues. I’m not anorexic or bulimic, but I don’t really enjoy food. I resent the amount of money, time, effort and thought it takes to cook and eat – or even decide what to eat. I have much better things to do with my time and money – like knit.
I have promised my oldest sister that I will eat at least one meal a day. So, these days – workdays that is – I start with a medium-sized bowl of porridge (jumbo oats, soaked overnight) with a handful of dried berries and a sliced banana.

I eat lunch on a Thursday, a weekly ‘date’ with a co-worker. Depending on budget and inclination what I eat varies from a sandwich to a burger combo to Chinese. Some nights, if I’ve been organised and taken something out to defrost, I’ll make dinner. I’m a fan of throw together quickly, leave to cook, cooking. So, my cheats version of a risotto works (and I don’t need to have defrosted anything). Casseroles are also a winner. Oh, and Alison & Simon Holst’s ‘No Knead Pizza’. I hate doing dishes, too, so the less I make, the better.

I have one latte a work day (two on a Friday) and, if I can be bothered, a cup or two of instant coffee or tea while at work. I might drink something when I get home – tea or milo – or maybe something cold±.

Otherwise, it’s all down to 10-15 cigarettes a day. Like I said, I don’t recommend it.

*Some of my clothes have a touch of stretch in them, which does give some leeway, as it were.
¤It was definitely my diet that made me a size 14 years ago.
±My sisters tell me that I’ve always eaten much like a lion – huge amounts one day, then hardly anything for the next couple. How will I cope being away for 12 days – eating in cafes and restaurants – paid for by someone else?» Seriously, that’s when I eat. When someone else makes it – and I don’t have to pay for it.

»Well, prepaid by me, really. But it’s LIKE it’s someone else. It’s not coming out of my wallet at point of sale.

On bodies and image

I'm a (NZ) size 10¿. But this doesn't stop me from having body issues, it's just that they're will hidden physically and psychologically. I’m not saying I have major issues and am a candidate for How to look good naked – I can actually look at myself in the mirror and all. But there are parts of my body I don’t like, and I concentrate on disguising.

I struggle to see myself as a size-10 – let alone an 8 or the 7 my jeans are*. I can’t see myself as skinny. Slim – just. Nearly. Skinny – never.

I think part of it is because I have breasts – in my head skinny girls don’t have breasts. At least, not naturally§.

Another thing that adds to my image of myself as not-quite-skinny is my height+. Only models and actors are skinny and tall. And, I’m not either of those. Therefore, I can’t be skinny.

I think I have an hourglass figure¤.

I’ve watched Gok’s shows, and What not to wear. According to Gok, hourglasses are THE figure designers love and are the best to dress. Maybe he could talk to the designers for the clothes I look at. Apparently, I’m long-waisted (ie long body) and most hourglasses are short-waisted. Ergo – I struggle to find clothes that fit all of my measurements at the same time.

For this reason I love hipster styles, because it means I can get trousers / skirts that fit my things (size 12ish) without gapping at my waist (size 8ish). But I always have to be aware of the dreaded muffin top. Yes, I have one. So sitting / standing straight – or slouching – ie, not sitting / standing naturally, disguises it.

My thighs are my bugbear. But I’ve learned to disguise them (mostly). Maybe I really am making more of them than they are. But it’s my image of my body. My mother didn’t believe that I had big thighs until I stripped to my underwear and showed them. You know what? They are bigger than they should be for the rest of me.

Now I’m this size, and have been for a while, I want to stay this way¶ – not least because I can’t afford a new wardrobe so soon. After more than a year, I still have to think size 10 when looking at clothes. I will pull out a size 8, a size 10 and a size 12 when trying things on». I really have to concentrate when it comes to small / medium sizing. I can’t see myself as small. I really struggle with that one.

So… why have I shared this?

To let you know that appearances aren’t everything. If you say I look good – particularly if you use the ‘skinny’ word – my internal voice is saying something else. It’s all a matter of perspective and my self-perception is skewed.

Because, you know what? I’d much rather be happy with my body, whatever size it is. And, I don’t think I ever will be.


¿Mostly, on average - I have 8s, 10s and 12s in my wardrobe, all of which mostly fit.
*Seriously. Size 7. If I’m a 7, what in-the-hell size are skinny girls?! That’s also why I shop at Jeans West, they don’t make me feel fat. Unlike another jeans shop, where a size-8 didn’t get over my foot!
§I *think* I’m a D-cup, but I’ve never been for a bra fitting in my life. There’s an underwear manufacturer’s website I visited that told me they had no underwear for my measurements.
+And don’t get me started on my height. I’m 5’ 6” (168cm) and the tallest in my family. It’s taken many years to feel confident wearing heels around my family° – and towering over them. Just when it happened, my knee gave out, limiting my heel-time. Damn it. Although, it stills feels weird looking such a long way down on my mother, when I’m in heels.

°I’m not blaming them, but the constant comments about the height made me self-conscious. And having my brother not hug me, unless I was sitting down – or he was – for a few years didn’t help. Being taller than your brothers at 13 doesn’t go down well.

¤Again, going online, a site told me I’m actually straight up-and-down, ie shapeless, because there’s not 10-inches of difference between my hips/bust measurement and my waist. There’s 8. Don’t trust the internet. These things just add to my image issues.
¶I have been a size 14, and it wasn’t a good look. At all.
»Mind you, I don’t think that’s all just my image issues – the vagrancies of sizing / style / materials doesn’t help any.

Reading resolutions

I don't do New Year's resolutions... but this year I have some reading resolutions and goals...

• Update my goodreads with everything I read, writing reviews as much as possible.
• Write reviews for Random acts of reviewing.
• Update my death & grief bibliography on librarything.
• Read and review one teen book a week for the work blog.
• Try and do a Top 5 list once a fortnight.

So.... that's that! Let's see how I go :D.